I used to hate goal setting. Every time I tried to do goal setting with my students, it was a colossal fail. I told them they could set goals for anything they wanted; they wrote down lifeless, for-the-teacher bullshit. I modeled my own bogus goal setting, and they either copied my steps or listed items I knew they'd never follow through on. Waste. Of. Time.
I stopped teaching goal setting for a while.
As I shared on Monday, last fall I awoke from my stupor and moved forward on my dream to create this blog. It was less an idea than it was a compulsion. The dream filled me with joy and anticipation, and I spent every non-school moment working and thinking about it.
Dreams are some powerful voodoo, y'all.
The Danger of Dreamland
Have you ever gotten turned on by your own dream and then, somehow, never actually pursued it? Have you gotten all coked up on the possibility of something and let the vision substitute for the real thing?
I have. I cannot tell you how many dreams I've let die. I'd talk the hell out of them to anyone who'd listen, and it was almost as if they'd happened. I told everyone about 13 years ago I was going to write a book, and unless the garden gnomes have bewitched me, there's nary a book with my name listed as author. There's not even an outline.
Dreams are powerful fuel, but when we confuse the anticipation of accomplishment with the actual thing, we cut ourselves off from the more powerful feeling of succeeding. It's like substituting masturbation for a fulfilling relationship with a partner: sure, it feels good, but you can't cuddle yourself and there's no dental plan involved.
The Headlight Rule
One reason we get stuck in dreamland instead of charging purposefully towards a dream is the enormity of it. We start planning, maybe using some left-brained, constipated template that's going to Show Us How It's Done. We begin to fill it out, and as we realize all we have to do, we shut down because it feels like too much. At least that's my experience.
If you're one of those Type A folks, this probably doesn't apply to you. You were born with checklists tattooed to an inner thigh and a day planner in hand. That's my theory anyway. If you're a template kind of a person, though, Chris Guillebeau has a really lovely Excel spreadsheet he uses for his own purposes that I aspire to.
For the rest of us, I'm going to tell you to do something a lot of goal setting folks won't: don't map out all of the goals associated with your dream. Write out three or four depending on how tight your chest gets as you do so. If they're big goals, maybe work on one or two. You don't have to know every detail on how you're going to get there, you just need to know what your first few steps are.
It's like driving in the dark. Your headlights don't illuminate the entire length of road in front of you. You know you're traveling to Phoenix, and you know you're on the road that will take you there. Your headlights show you the next little piece of road as well as any obstacles to avoid or road signs to guide you. If you stay on the road, you'll get to Phoenix even though you cannot see the whole route at once.
Goals = Dream Chunks = Actions
There's nothing mystical or magical about goals. Goals are simply the To-Do lists of your dreams, and if you start checking those bad boys off, you will eventually succeed. Unfortunately, no matter how much you want something, if you don't take focused action, you're more likely to shit gold bricks than you are to get it.
Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven't planted. ~David Bly
Tools & Tips for the Journey
Decide. Decree. Determine. Take a stand. Resolve. Until you decide you want your dream, no amount of goal setting will help you. You have to want the dream more than you want the status quo, the safety of what you already know. Once I decided I wanted this blog, everything else fell into place. If I hadn't firmly decided, I know a bazillion percent I would have blown off tonight's blog and gone comatose with the TV. Because I chose my dream, there was no chance of me standing you up tomorrow.
Goals should be specific and measurable. One goal I'm currently working on is spending at least 30-minutes being active every day. For me, active means walking, running, taking an exercise class or some other activity. It's an easy goal to measure, and each day as I check it off my list, I feel accomplished. Knowing exactly what you're trying to accomplish and whether you've been successful or not is essential to keep you motivated and moving toward your dream.
If you're a checklist kind of person, TeuxDeux is a free online service that has a user-friendly checklist you can use to keep you focused. There's even an app for that if that's how you roll.
Commit to spending at least 10-minutes each day on one of your goals. All of us have 10-minutes to spare every day, and chances are once we start, we'll actually devote more time to it. When I first returned to exercise, I noticed that the biggest barrier to regular exercise was not getting started. Once I was on my walk or at the gym, I enjoyed myself and excuses like being too tired weren't a factor any longer. Getting started is the hardest part of any action, so if you get past that hurdle, the rest is easy peasy in comparison.
Be persistent. This isn't the unicorn rainbow bubble of magical easiness land, so there are times when the going is tough or your plans implode. If you quit at this point, you've definitely failed. If you regroup, take a deep breath, learn from the situation and keep on stepping, you have exponentially increased the odds of your success. Put on your big girl or big boy panties and keep moving forward.
Review your progress + celebrate. Don't wait until the end to take a look back and do the happy dance. With big dreams, we have to celebrate and enjoy the journey or we'll fizzle out fo' sho'. I'm tracking the metrics on my blog, and though I'm not where I want to be yet, I feel pretty good about what I've accomplished so far. When I hit my 1000th page hit in the next week or so, I'm going to have a little dance party and a glass of wine right here in my living room to commemorate it.
What goals are you working on right now? What tips do you have? What are the things that get in your way? How do you stay motivated? Please share in the comments!
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Dreams Are Sexy, Goals Are Work–Part One
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Image by: lululemon athletica
Ellen, I like the driving at night analogy. I find that's most applicable for me, especially in my photography and work on my own blog, where it's difficult to see the big picture sometimes or where I'm really going with it, but by moving forward a day at a time, I feel as if (and can see by the results) that I AM beginning to achieve my goals.
I would also add that it's important to have a support group or community around you, as you are already doing here at the Hairy Edge, to offer feedback, support, and encouragement as you weather the inevitable ups and downs of the process.
Well done!!!
Thanks for adding the bit about the support group! It would have been 100-times harder to get this blog going (and to keep going) without the community of people who have supported me either with information or a nice kick in the behind. I’d like to add that if there’s no one in your immediate circle who you feel will support you, going online to find like-minded peeps is a great alternative. As a new teacher I had no support at my school, and it was the help of countless other teachers online that got me through my first couple of years. Get on Twitter, join a discussion group, find a bulletin board discussion on your topic~it’s all out there if you look for it.
Thanks for the comment!
This is a helpful post Ellen. And so timely! This time of year seems so busy, yet there are a lot of creative juices flowing as we move on into Spring. Thanks for breaking it down. I think the 10 minute idea is realistic and I am going to apply it to my art, which sometimes goes for weeks untouched!
Thanks, Heather! I agree~there have been times this week where I’ve felt like I’m a panini on a sandwich press, and the 10-minute strategy has kept me on track. The exercise actually energizes me, so I can return to whatever else I need to do more effectively. Thanks for the comment!
I really LOVE your blog and your message. I was wondering if you could address something in a future post: What if you have always had a strong desire to do something big, but can't figure out WHAT? I have a lot of ambition, but can't figure out what I'm passionate about. I know it sounds silly… Am I just weird like this or do others feel the same?
Thanks, Shannon! I don’t think it sounds silly at all. How many people do you know who are in careers and still trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up? I feel like I was lucky~I knew at 5 that I wanted to be a teacher. My husband always told me how lucky I was, and it wasn’t until about a year ago that I found myself in your shoes, trying to figure out what’s next. I think that’s a great blog topic…I wonder how others have figured it out?
Shannon, I think what has worked for me has been trying little "bits" of this or that activity/hobby/potential job skill (through classes, workshops, demos, online learning or even asking to do things that fell outside my job description at the place I was working) and seeing what I REALLY love spending time doing vs. something that sounded interesting in theory but isn't really my cup of tea. I've heard it said that once you find that thing that you would do for free and can do it over and over again, THAT'S when you know you've found it. I'm 44 and have been in quite a few "careers" and only recently have felt like I could begin to answer that question. Good luck in your quest!
Thank you. I am in a lucky position that I don't need to work (I take care of the kids and my husband works), and I feel that I can try out a lot of things. BUT… I also find that I don't have any pressure to succeed. I've found a couple things I really like, but when it comes to the point where I have to work harder to get good at them, I give up easily (because I have no accountability or need to make money). I get down on myself and feel lazy, even though I am far from a lazy person.
Based on what you’ve written, I have two questions for you.
1. When you think about those things you like but give up on, what’s the predominant emotion? What makes you think you’d like to do that? Figuring out what’s motivating you might give a clue to next steps. They might be nice but not necessary in your mind, which is totally okay. They might be more about what you think you *should* do for whatever reason, and then I’d say let it go. If you feel a rush, a pull, then I’d move on to question #2:
2. When you think of actually pursuing those things you like, what’s the main emotion? What are the thoughts that spring to mind? Those thoughts have clues in them as well…fear, doubt, boredom, overwhelm…I think you might get a sense of whether you wanted it for you or for some other reason.
For me, the only time I’ve really been able to overcome the work effect has been when I really wanted it because it tugged at my core being. Identifying what was in my way helped me move forward.
I guess I’m wondering if your situation has more to do with limiting beliefs or not really knowing yet what that thing is for you.
Being born a type A person is a curse! I have repented and decided to allow myself to read that book instead of doing laundry etc. It IS freeing. Everything gets done when you’re happier and more relaxed.